Now that you have some sort of background of what this blog will be like, I will start with what I consider of my backsliding. That beginning was cursing. The first time I ever cursed was in 6th grade. I remember this because I screamed "Damn" after I hit my hand on a table in math class. Everyone turned to look at me and I got in big trouble. But I got a lot of attention. I always got plenty of positive attention at home but never for negative things. Even though the teacher was mad me, my friends thought I was cool.
Then came the experimentation. I can honestly say that I was as devout of a Christian as exists until I was 12 years old; until this incident. I tried other words. I wasn't yelling them in class anymore. I was using them in conversation. Most of the time it was to insult someone. I tried to quit cursing once in college and it lasted like 2 weeks. My heart wasn't in it. I can link most of my backslide to this one event. Had I never known how good a new sin felt, I would have never dove into it. Up until that point all the sin I knew about had very negative outcomes. But with this one came a new bestfriend (who I still consider my best friend, and this incident reflects nothing on his character), popularity among my pears, and self esteem.
The beginning of my 2nd life was on that day. From that day forward I had my school life and my church life. I was 2 seperate people. Its not easy. When I first took up cursing it was hard to make sure I didn't do it at church or around my parents. The person I was most concerned with though was my little brother. He was 9, I couldn't curse around him. I know there are plenty of people out there who have heard of kids smoking dope and struggling with pornography by the time they are 12, so this may seem like no big deal. What I want you to understand about this blog is that it is about a normal Christian boy. A boy who was raised in the Southern Baptist Church, by incredible parents. The majority of children and young adults in the church go through this type of struggle.
Back to what I was saying. I was now two people. What was interesting was that there were other kids at church going through the same things. So when you found a group of students that cursed, that you went to church with you hang out with them. You felt like your other life was accepted there; your "cooler" life.
Living a double life was something that haunted me from that day forward to the time I was 22. I had to hide things from specific people. I had to call people in the morning to make sure that they didn't talk about last night with specific people. I had to make sure that the people's parents who were cool with drinking didn't talk to my parents. It was a mess. . .
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